Weekly Vet News

A 10 year old, brown, mixed race dog in the Longfellow neighborhood in Minneapolis, MN, has been accused of eating local neighborhood wildlife. The dog, belonging to a German immigrant, has been seen longingly staring at squirrels and rabbits while licking her chops. Drool spots on the windowsill offered additional evidence that the culinary desires of this, probably illegal, canine might have led to the decimation of our beloved rodents and lagomorphs.

When questioned by authorities, the accused canine provided a number of delicious sounding recipes asking for rodent tenderloin in her defense. She also stated being in negotiations with Martha Stewart for her upcoming book “The Immigrant Dog: Menace or Culinary Contributor”?

The latest Weekly Vet News guide ‘The Dog Watcher: Changing Fur Colors in the Fall Season’ has now been published. Astonishingly the color variations this fall are even more vibrant than in past years.

The common Golden Retriever changes its plumage from the usual yellow/golden hues to a bright turquoise that mimics the Caribbean ocean waters. First assumed to be nature’s way of providing camouflage, leading scientists realized that the incidence of free roaming Golden Retrievers in the waters of the Caribbean is rather scant.

The Dachshund’s amber and brown summer colors transform to a deep marine blue, before the majestic creature sheds its entire coat as winter approaches. The blue color is believed to play an important role in attracting a mate. Sadly the stunning display also caught the attention of hunters who target the sausage shaped canines to add furs to the fall lineup of the fashion industry.

Chihuahuas were thought to migrate south for the winter, but recently have been observed in the Midwestern woods as far north as the Canadian border. Its winter coat changes to an intriguing polka dotted arrangement of primary colors. Easy to spot with average binoculars, packs of this minuscule breed can be seen hunting moose and getting into occasional skirmishes with neighboring wolf packs.

For the complete guide to canine fall colors send $49.99 to the main office of the Weekly Vet News. Payment in beer is accepted. The guide contains multiple hand drawn pictures by the author himself that are sure to delight the average 3rd grade reader.

With the number of requested vasectomies on the rise after the recent Supreme Court decision overturning Roe v Wade, voices in congress advocating for veterinarians to be allowed to perform these procedures on men above the age of 18 are growing louder.

The initial proposal is being co-sponsored by house members on both sides of the aisle and is expected to go to conference committee by late fall. Republican House leader Mike Johnson is still opposed to any such bill moving forward after realizing that he lost his balls a long time ago, making a vasectomy unnecessary. Numerous white, male Republicans Senators, with Mitch McConnell being the strongest opponent, stated concerns that their Vasa Deferentia (the spermatic ducts moving sinful sperm from their shriveled testicles to their phallic appendages) have important load bearing functions, given the fact that they do not possess spines. Worries include a lack of anatomic integrity after such a procedure.

A recent gallup poll shows wide support for the bill in the general population with 107% of women and a staggering 123% of veterinarians being in favor of the legislation.