Weekly Vet News

A spelling mistake led to the sudden secession of Florida from the United States. After the Center for Disease Control tried to implement the newest guidelines regarding De-Fluoridation of the nation’s water supplies, following Health Secretary Kennedy’s request to remove fluoride from drinking water, the Florida State Legislature mistook the new ruling as a request for De-Floridation, the expulsion of the state of Florida from the union.

“We thought now with Canada and Greenland becoming the 51st and 52nd states of the union, and me running against Trump in the last presidential primary, that this was the administration’s way for payback and getting rid of millions of retirees at the same time”, Florida’s governor DeSantis stated in an interview with FoxNews. “We didn’t dare contradict our Dear Leader and initiated the necessary steps to secede immediately”.

On a federal level the secession was ratified by an overwhelming majority in the House of Representatives and a 98 to 2 vote in the Senate, showing the general enthusiasm of politicians on both sides of the aisle to get rid of the hurricane prone swamp. “It’s like having your appendix removed”, Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries, proclaimed. “After it’s out you wonder what it was ever good for?”. Floridians appeared utterly confused by the suddenness of the change, with the ‘Association of Liposuctionists and Plastic Surgeons’ (ASS) voicing concerns about a likely dwindling influx of retirees.

Mildred, a 10 year old Lab Mix, described the harrowing experience. “I walk down to the food bowl…and…, I saw that the cat had cleaned out my bowl. Nothing was left. I could see my own reflection mirrored in the cold and barren vastness of my stainless steel bowl. It was like looking into the abyss. The horror...the horror.”. 

Self-Help groups for dogs of all ages have been set up at local community centers to help canines process the scathing experience.

Buck, a Golden Retriever from River Falls wrote:

Squirrel meat is red,

But delicious it is

And I caught it myself

…. so no, I will not share it with you, I am resource guarding

Fiona, a Sharpei from Portland submitted:

My dog bed is soft

It has space for two

But it is ALL for me

And not for you

Pretzel, a Dachshund from Minneapolis put to paper:
When I go for a walk

I pull on the lead

To get to you

But… then I realize you are actually NOT in heat

And Leroy, a drooling Blood Hound divulged: 

Through the garbage I dig

To forage for food

This finally causes 

Me Valentine’s mood

So, if you want to meet me and the rest of the pack in the back yard, feel free to join us…..

The frontrunner in the feline category submitted by Toby, a Domestic Shorthair Cat, was:

Mice are quite tasty

But the entrails are pasty

..and they cause hairballs

Happy Valentine’s Day!