Weekly Vet News

Religious scholars had been suspecting a faulty depiction of popular manger scenes for centuries, but it took the Vatican’s special investigative unit to finally prove and admit that the “classical” depiction of the idyllic manger gathering does not correctly identify all the participants.

Yes, some sheep were present, but the Border Collie licking the babies face, leading to divine, zoonotic roundworm diarrhea was last brought to canvas in Boticelli’s painting ‘Parasites in the Manger’.

Frankincense was never presented as the intended gift. Joseph’s Golden Retriever Mephistopheles (also missing from classical depictions) seized upon the supply immediately after the 3 kings’ arrival, mistaking the wrapped parcel for bacon, and devouring most of it. The remaining resin was rendered useless due to salivary contamination.

The 3 kings arrived on foot and not by camel as depicted. Their camel underwent colic surgery 12 miles outside of Bethlehem and had to be left behind. 

Joseph was actually not present after the birth either. He angrily and jealously left realizing that if Mary was a “virgin” as she claimed, then where the hell did the baby come from. Grabbing the gold and Mephistopheles he headed straight for Tel Aviv, hoping to join its famous night life.

The Vatican promised a revised presentation of the popular Christmas scene starting with the 2022 season.

The latest Weekly Vet News guide ‘The Dog Watcher: Changing Fur Colors in the Fall Season’ has now been published. Astonishingly the color variations this fall are even more vibrant than in past years.

The common Golden Retriever changes its plumage from the usual yellow/golden hues to a bright turquoise that mimics the Caribbean ocean waters. First assumed to be nature’s way of providing camouflage, leading scientists realized that the incidence of free roaming Golden Retrievers in the waters of the Caribbean is rather scant.

The Dachshund’s amber and brown summer colors transform to a deep marine blue, before the majestic creature sheds its entire coat as winter approaches. The blue color is believed to play an important role in attracting a mate. Sadly the stunning display also caught the attention of hunters who target the sausage shaped canines to add furs to the fall lineup of the fashion industry.

Chihuahuas were thought to migrate south for the winter, but recently have been observed in the Midwestern woods as far north as the Canadian border. Its winter coat changes to an intriguing polka dotted arrangement of primary colors. Easy to spot with average binoculars, packs of this minuscule breed can be seen hunting moose and getting into occasional skirmishes with neighboring wolf packs.

For the complete guide to canine fall colors send $49.99 to the main office of the Weekly Vet News. Payment in beer is accepted. The guide contains multiple hand drawn pictures by the author himself that are sure to delight the average 3rd grade reader.